My first STD was from a foam party
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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