How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
