I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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