yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
