I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
