Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
