My balls are so social today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
