shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
