the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
