my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am available for nakedness
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
