Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
