found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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