i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
