FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
