it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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