Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
