this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
