did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
