I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize