last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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