Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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