Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
