i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
