Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
