It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
