About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
