When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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