i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
