He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
