Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
