i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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