You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
