Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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