You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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