i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
