Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
