Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
