So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
