When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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