8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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