She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
