I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
