I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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