How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
