I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
