discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
