I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
