Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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