I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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