i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
