Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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