these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
