you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
