Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
